The Perfect Guide to Writing a Perfect E-mail by the Very Perfect Callum from Morpeth!

To write the perfect email you first have to listen to other peoples emails. But to save you about 2 months of your night life heres how to do it.

Start with 'hello' (without it you look stupid!), then tell him one of the following, how your day was, anything bad that happened or something fun that happened. Try to aim for about 3-4 lines on that then go into a joke about either Kelly from Durham, One of the Nightowl Girls or a blonde joke.

Try not to put too many hellos aim for around 3-4 maximum or just snub your friends and talk about you! Finish with something modern not "Yours In Deepest Honourability", just something like a "Cheers Mate" or a "Thanks"...nothing too sloppy!